Private Eye’s: The Four Brexiteers

The Four Brexiteers, Private Eye, No. 1498 (14–27 June 2019) at 33.

Brexiteer-1: If t’were up to me, I’d make sure we left on eve ‘Alloween, whether we got a deal or no deal or nowt else. That’s my thinking.

Brexiteer-2: No deal? That’s soft thinking. I’d make sure we left by end June. And I’d make EU pay us for £39 billion whether they like it or not, and I’d ensure we got preferential deal from t’German car industry to boot.

Brexiteer-3: End June?

Brexiteer-2: Aye.

Brexiteer-3: That’s Remain talk. I’d make sure we left last August, I’d get us £300 billion in payments for emotional damage, and I’d ensure Barnier [an EU negotiator] came to Britain to live out his days in Wormwood Scrubs [a London prison].

Brexiteer-4: Thou are all as soft as lilywhite Brussels cotton bedsheets.

Brexiteer-1: What’s tha’ plan.

Brexiteer-4: Easy. End session of t’Parliament, force through law, imprison any MP who objects. It’s the only way to preserve democracy in this country.

Brexiteer-3: Would tha keep t’Queen?

Brexiteer-4: Aye.

Brexiteer-3: Pathetic. I’d execute t’royal family, seize control of t’Army and t’utilities, destroy opposition with t’tactical nuclear strikes, and bomb Paris and Berlin to ensure favourable trading conditions for a thousand years.

Brexiteer-1: And if you don’t do that, you’ll get a [Jeremy] Corbyn government in.

Brexiteer-2: But if you tell the young people that, they won’t believe you.

All: Aye, they won’t.

The above is based on a well-known Monty Python sketch: The Four Yorkshiremen. See <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ue7wM0QC5LE>.

Seth Barrett Tillman, Private Eye’s: The Four Brexiteers, New Reform Club (June 23, 2019, 1:38 PM), <https://reformclub.blogspot.com/2019/06/private-eyes-four-brexiteers.html>.