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Friday, May 12, 2006

Humor in Events

Well, it's the weekend. It's a time to sit back in the easy chair with some light reading and emit a series of chuckles, punctuated by the occasional guffaw.

Toward that end, I wrote a spoof translation of the mysterious and portentous Ahmadinejad letter, and it is running in today's Human Events.

I was thinking of accompanying it with a cartoon, but I was too lazy to do any sketching, so I had a Danish instead.

Incidentally, my sources tell me that the Weekly Standard will run a spoof of their own in the Parody section of next week's issue. It will be interesting to see whose is funnier. Perhaps we should commission a poll.


Tom Van Dyke said...

Yours is funnier, hands down.

Jay D. Homnick said...

There isn't any way of seeing theirs yet, is there? I'm a subscriber, but I don't think the next issue becomes available on their website until Saturday.

Am I wrong?

Tom Van Dyke said...

Don't need to see it.

Jay D. Homnick said...

I just read theirs and, although it would be a violation of humility to comment about my own work, no one can fault me for complimenting Tom.

So let me say: "Tom, you were so right!"

tbmbuzz said...

Always funny Scott Ott at ScrappleFace has these takes on Ahmanutjob's letter to President Bush.

LEAK: Text of Iran President’s Letter to Bush

(2006-05-08) — Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s private letter to U.S. President George Bush proposing ‘new solutions‘ was also inadvertently emailed to Mr. Ahmadinejad’s ‘buddy list’, and so reached several major American news organizations yesterday.

It’s the first time since the 1979 revolution, that an Iranian leader has initiated direct contact with the President of the United States.

Below is a translation of the letter:

To: George Bush, president of the Great Satan, puppet of Zionists
Fr: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President of peaceful Islamic Republic of Iran
Re: Recent tensions

Sorry it’s been so long. It hardly seems like 26 years since we held 52 Americans hostage for 444 days. Well, enough nostalgia.

Listen, I have some new ideas for how to end the tensions over our little nuclear energy project, and your crusade to let the Zionists take over the Muslim world.

I had a brainstorming session with the Guardian Council, and we came up with a lot of great solutions. But I know you’re busy putting down a Republican rebellion and trying to pull your approval rating out of the toilet (LOL), so I’ll just give you our top five ‘new solutions’.

5) Wipe Israel off the face of the map. Replace with goat ranch.
4) U.S. buys Iranian oil. I make threatening statements causing uncertainty in petroleum markets. We use the windfall profits to pay Russia to help us make nuclear devices, and to pay China to stop U.N. sanctions. U.S. continues to buy Iranian oil.
3) Get U.N. to adopt ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy regarding uranium enrichment.
2) Put Zionists in boxcars. Send back to Europe. Replace Israel with goat ranch.
1) U.S. joins global Muslim Caliphate, ensuring peace and bountiful supplies of enriched uranium for all of Allah’s people.

Feel free to choose more than one solution.

I know you have a lot on your plate — what with the threat of Nancy Pelosi becoming Speaker of the House — but try to get back to me quickly so we can get implementation on a fast track.

Yours in Peace,

Bush Responds to Iranian President’s Letter

By Scott Ott, Editor-in-Chief,
News Fairly Unbalanced. We Report. You Decipher.

(2006-05-10) — While the White House officially denies it, unnamed sources close to anonymous insiders at the State Department report they have seen the text of President George Bush’s response to an 18-page letter sent by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad earlier this week.

Mr. Ahmadinejad’s letter chided and rebuked the U.S. President for a litany of alleged misconduct, and sought to find common ground with the Christian Mr. Bush in a shared belief in monotheism. The Iranian leader largely side-stepped the issue of uranium enrichment, noting that all nations had a right to scientific and technological progress.

According to notes taken by those who saw it, here is President Bush’s response:

Dear Mahmoud,
Thanks for taking the time to write your thoughtful letter. I appreciate you educating me about history, geography, democracy, military strategy, geopolitics, science, technology and theology, since these weren’t my favorite subjects in school.

I’d appreciate it if you would read my letter on TV to your 68 million citizens to help us both forge a bond of peace, grounded in our shared monotheism.

In your 18-page letter, you asked me more than 63 questions.

The answer is ‘No’.

Now, let me ask you a few questions.

1) When you’re alone in a room by yourself, what do you all talk about?
2) How many moons can you see from your planet?
3) Roughly how long will it be before your mothership returns?

Take your time. Feel free to use the back of the paper to record your answers.

George W. Bush, POTUS