Being a Reform Club member has to count for something, especially after the novelty of the secret decoder ring wears off.
So now we are offering a prepublication glimpse at an article whose other millions of readers have to contain themselves until tomorrow.
Yes, it's just what you have been waiting for: an omnibus article cataloguing some of the distinctive features of the modern-day Democrat and Republican.
And if I must offer a little teaser of a taste to get you to chew on our links, here is a mere morsel:
IF YOU'RE too dumb to figure out a butterfly ballot, then you're probably trying to vote for that smart Democrat Presidential candidate. If you are smart enough to handle the ballot, you are probably voting for that dumb Republican.
If you're afraid to take a magnetic resonance image because your nose ring might stick to the magnet, you're a Democrat. If you're afraid to bob for apples at the church carnival because your tie might fall into the water, you're a Republican.